Back in Time

What is life without memories? Some we want to forget and some we like to reflect back on. We don't always get it right the first time, but that is what make up who we become. We see how far we have come and how we have changed. So we are grateful for them because it teaches us to make better choices and learn.
  Are memories are important and the past is what we must move past because nothing is worse then being stuck in the past. Only remember what made you stronger because in the end everything does.
Surround your life with people that make you happy. Life is real and challenging no matter where we go. We keep and make new friends down the path of life. What it all comes down to is how much love we show to others. Keep your relationships strong and have gratitude for all that comes your way and life will always be filled with happiness.

  I'm reminded of the moment when I met my friend Monica. We where in Mr. Jackson classroom and She was so shy. I asked her about her church and she invited me to go to church with her. I didn't do it because I wanted to join her church. I wanted to support her and be apart of her life. I loved how devoted she was to God and we become close friends because we had that in common.

  I feel like it's harder to find things in common with my friends now because they have kids and family of their own. The priority's of life have change, no longer having time to hang out.
 The light and love for my friends and family will always stay and the fear of losing touch with the ones I love will disappear. Even in this moment I feel grateful to have the memories of friendship that is forever lasting! We will never be apart because I will remember and cherish you my dear friend.




"The place the Divine presence dwells
 You shall find Peace
You shall hear Angels,
You see, the diamonds
Sparkle in your eyes."

Staying focused

 “Well-arranged time is the surest mark of a well arranged mind.” I’m making a goal to get to work on time for a month so I can be a good employee. Plus, I really want to stop feeling rushed when getting up in the morning. I’m going to get up when my alarm goes off, the first time and feel the sun on my face to be renewed! “Dream the impossible dream, Fight the unbeatable foe, Strive with your last ounce of courage, to reach the unreachable star.” I can do it because I have the drive and will power to do what is needed. For example, I lost 90 lbs. by eating a healthy diet. I thought it was impossible to give up soda, but I was able to do it with determination! It’s amazing how strong our minds are and how we can become better. ”Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.” I’ve been really grateful to be aware of the effects of the ego and how it can make you feel you deserve a reward for what we do. I am so humbled by the power of oneness and how it helped me to let go of past hurts and move toward just loving no matter if I get it in return. I didn’t like always feeling hurt by other people’s actions, but that was all in my mind! I have all the love and light I need inside myself. I can now focus all my energy on what makes me happy. “Joy descends gently upon us like the evening dew.”

Be at Peace with You

Been I having some anxiety this week because I feel neglected by my best friend. I'm not liking this feeling, but she is having a lot of changes in her life. She has a new man in her life and I'm happy for her. She seems happy with him. I just wish she wanted to hang out with me sometimes too. I feel ridicules being jealous of her new relationship, but I'm just not feeling like she wants to spend time with me lately...
 I was getting really mad about it on Thursday and wanted to just not talk to her.
Then I  realized why I was feeling so bad and was able to breath and center my self yesterday. Not letting other people control how I feel is the key to being happy. I don't want anyone pulling me down and my happiness can only come from inside me. I have all I need right her right now.

 If she needs to have her space then I'm going to give it to her. She is my friend and even if I don't see her as much, I will always love her. I guess I should be used to it, I always have to go over to other peoples houses. I hardly ever get texts from my friends. I love spending time with my friends, but how long would it take for them to message me first to hang out? It's a question that make me feel bad and I wish I didn't get so emotional about it.
 I think I'm a good friend. What's wrong with me that makes them not talk to me? Ok, I'm getting on the wrong track again... I'm writing this because of this negative thoughts that come and make me feel so trouble. I am love and I will give love to everyone. To give love is to be selflessly without reward.:)
  "Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give
yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight."

 I find strength in my Divine and will be focused on the present.

                                                                        Namista

New Beginnings

It's been so nice to ride my bike! I love it even tough my butt isn't used to the seat yet haha. It's just so nice to feel the wind on my face and hear the birds singing. Everyone at work has been asking me when you I was going to get my bike fixed ? One of my co-workers gave me his nephews old bike. I'm so glad Monica let me use her van to take it to the bike shop on Monday :) It was $88.00 to get fixed, but that's not bad compared to a new bike.

 I've been having a tug a war with my self this week. Tony and I wont be renew our less next year with our apartment complex. Tony doesn't like living in Utah and that's were all my family and friends are and I'd miss them so much! I know its hard for him to be away from his family and I don't like seeing him unhappy. I was so upset that he wonted to move because I don't no if we would be coming back to Utah. I want to be by my family too. Also Tony want to expand his playing of Texas Hold'em. I really was freaking out because I don't like to gamble and I just grow up learning it was bad to do. I've learned that Poker playing is better odds because its not all about luck.
 Tony's getting better every time we go to Wendover because we went yesterday after I got off work and he won $260 in about 2 hours! I'm very proud of him and I know he loved playing.
   There is a lot of good things about move to California and visiting his parents:

•  We could save money for a house some day
•  Not pay so much rent
• Tony can do tenements and win money in Vegas
• I would get to spend quality time with my In-laws who I love so much!
• They have a huge house now. Plenty of room for us
• We can go to the beach
• Go to Disneyland
• The Zoos
• Baseball games
• Wail watching
• I could travail with Aunt Linda and my mother-in-law
• I can go visit family and friends
• They can come visit me
• Go see Aunt Natalie and Unc
• Six Flags!
• Universal Studios
• We move back to Utah in a 1 year if Tony doesn't make it big playing Texas Hold'em

 Things about Leaving Utah

• My friend: My best friend Tasha who is having a really hard time in this point in her life because she is having health problems. Which are putting her back into debt. I know she would be so sad if I moved away. I love her and her family so much. We've been friends for over 10 years! I'm so glad that after 9 months of fighting her dad is Cancer free!  I don't think she would handle the news very well if I was moving 500 miles away. It's my life though and I can't live anyone Else's. So staying here because I don't want to disappoint anyone is not the right way to live. I want to broaden my Harrison's and I'm still so young!
• My Friend- Monica has always struggled in her life too. She got pregnant at 17 and drooped out of high school. She now has 3 children and is always worrying about money. Isn't happy with her new boyfriend. Can't get any child support from her Ex boyfriend Alex. She thinks she has the best relationship with him, but that's only because she still loves him. It's would be sad to not be with the one you love. Alex has a girlfriend and she is sometimes hard to get along with. Monica want to be friends with everyone, yet everyone treats her like shit! I wish she had a mother that was there for her growing up. She always had one foot in the drug life and then so did Monica. (we living by example) Then Monica starting go to church. I meet her in Mr. Jackson's Math class in 11 grade. She was very Christian and went to church 3 time a week! Then the family she lived with were trying to set rules for her about boys. She met Alex and didn't want to live by there rules so she left. Worsted mistake she made because now look at were she is.... Having the state help her take care of her kids and working at the Airport 4 hours a day barley making ends meet.
• My friends- Many and Kim- There sisters and I met Mandy in 9 grade Reading class. She was a very sweet girl and didn't care what anyone thought of her. She had it ruff after she drooped out of high school. She got attacked by her ex boyfriend and she felt so violated and I just cred when she told me. She moved in with some of her friends in Cali and we lost contact for a while. That's when  me and  Kim became close because we also took classes and car pooled to Salt Lake Community College. In 2010 Mandy and her husband suppurated and he moved back to California. She was happier and I'm so glad. She meet a old friend Austin and they started dating. They now have a 1 year old little girl! It's crazy that she's a mother. Kim has a 7 year old boy and just bought a house in Magna.
• My friend Victoria is my hardest relationship because she wasn't always there for me. I love her so much and want her to be happy. I think I've finally won the battle over our friendship because of the grace of God. I guess are reconnection is very spacial to me because of the path that lead me back to her. I was taking a Deeksha intensive 2 years ago and I was focusing on forgiving people in the past that had hurt me. One of those people was Victoria's brother and It felt so good to be at peace with it. I saw him for the fist time in 7 years at Vic's daughters birthday party 2 year ago. I know it's in the past now and I've moved on. I'm so happy for my friend that she has two beautiful children. She had a baby boy when she was 18 yrs old and got married . Her little guy is 7 years old now. She last her second baby from over growth and water in the brain at 7 months along.. I just can't imagine the sorrow of loosing a child, but I know she misses her Myles everyday. She got pregnant again and had her baby girl, now 3 years old. :)
• I have a very strong relationship with my mother and love her so much. She is my rock and always has been. She had a lot of hard times. She battled depression all her life. She has finally found a man that treats her good. It's such a blessing to see her happy.
• My dad is so supportive and excepts me for who I am. I have such a wonderful dad! He lives in Logan and I don't see him as much any more. I loved going fishing with him last summer and spending time with my grandma.
• I would miss my sister. We are twins and I love spending time with her. We always stuck together and she has such a hard time with guys in her life. I just worried about her because she's never had a very highs self esteem. I want her to feel worthy and realize that she should never take any kind of abuse. She is so very smart and I've always been about to talk to her. She might be moving to Oregon next year  for 2 years because her husband want to go to Oregon university.
• I love my niece Haylie she brightens my life and makes it so fun! She will be 5 years old  in 2 month. Her birthday is a day before mine and Amy's birthday.She loves me so much and I adore her!
• I love my nephew Dallin, His such a cute little guy. He's 1 years old and is walking like crazy :)
• Have to Quite my job. Worked at Parking Services at SLCC for 7 years and I've enjoyed it. They are very flexible when I needed to travel and I love the people I work with. I work part time and can't get full time so I don't like that part. I would miss it though

Have to take one day at a time and have to do whats right decision for Tony and I~ He is the love of my life! Thank you my dear Divine for given me so a wonderful life!
                                                                                                   -Namista

Rising above the strom

The joy of being young… We are forever changing and yet youth is something we can have forever! It’s becoming new again every day. Always look at the beautiful world with fresh eyes and to breathe inn the sweet earth. It depends on you how you feel and act

I have so much peace with inn me. It’s something I must work on every day because we never know what the future holds.

My best friend Tasha has endometriosis and she’s in a lot of pain. I didn’t quit grasp the seriousness of the situation until her surgery didn’t work in March. She has craps that are constant and she keeps having a period. The doctor doesn’t want to give her any more Lortab because he thinks she’s getting addicted. It’s not the case with her because she only wants the pain to go away. If they could just fix the problem she wouldn’t have to take the pain medicine! It’s crazy that they want to stop her estrogen because it could help with the endometriosis. So she would be going into menopause at 25 years old!! I just can’t believe the hardship Tasha and her families have gone through this past year.

I don’t know how much more stress she can take and it’s hard to watch her struggle so much. She has never had it easy and I guess it’s sometimes not in are control. I just hope she can break though this rut and find the strength to keep going. She just filed for bankruptcy right before all her health problems. Now she has 3,000 in medical bills she can’t pay. It’s ironic! Lol All I can do is laugh or I feel like crying for her, but that is no way to live. I don’t want to see her in pain and I hope the doctors can help her, but so far it’s going to be a long road to feeling better L

 I have been though thick and thin with her and I will be here for her though this too.

Wings to Fly

Can only move forward. It's never easy to just forget what we thought was better or the hard times in life. We have to look at life as if every experience is for are benefit. We can only learn and grow with knowing both side to happiness and sorrow. The greatest listen is knowing the light will always triumph over the dark!  Nothing is as important as love and knowing how it effects are souls. It's really understand  how to  recognize what our hearts feel so we can be who we are meant to be!
I have always felt a power within me. I may not be perfect, but I have unique talents that no one else has. That I can make a different in other peoples lives and grow and be better for it!
 Life is never black or white because there is so many colors of the rainbow. Why be limited by fear? Be your self and open your heart. You're free when you let go of resisting what you want! We can shape life the way we want and it doesn't have to be hard. We only need to trust in the Divines help and find peace within.

“The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.”

A new chapter

 

  If you have children you should be able to take care of them. To teach them as well as provide the necessities. I’m over being mad at Tiana I have given it to God and I feel good about it. I just worry about the kids now. I want them to have the best life possible. I love Brelina and James so much. I had so much fun with Brelina and Haylie at Disneyland last yearJ

  I’m really excited for the trip to Oregon and to visit with family. I have to fly from Salt Lake airport to California on March 19th. Then get on a different plan to Reno. It’s really weird that I’m closer to Nevada, but I have to go to Cali first lol

I will be staying with my sister and brother in-law Brandi and Chuck and I love their new house. They gave all there old living room furnisher to my other sister in-law. They are so generous and I’m glad they can help Tiana out.

  

   Tiana moved in with her new boyfriend and their baby is due March 20^th. It’s going to be really different seeing Tiana without Tyler. They‘ve been together for 9 years. This would have been their 5 year anniversary on March 31st. We were down there last year around that time visiting them. It just goes to show that we should never take things for granted because they might not always be there. It’s still a partnership because they have 2 kids together.  

   They one thing that still breaks my heart is that Tiana didn’t want to fight for the marriage anymore. Was sneaking around on Tyler and now is pregnant with some guys baby she barely knew when she started working at Wal-Mart.  It sounds really bad and I’m sure I don’t have the whole story. I haven’t talked to Tiana or Tyler about it so it’s hard for me to get my emotions in check.  I don’t have all the facts about what really happened with them. I understand with two children and both parents working is hard work and stressful. I might never understand way it didn’t work out, but I have to respect their decision.

   Tyler is Tony’s best friend so that makes things a little uncomfortable. They don’t talk about the divorce or anything and doesn’t seem like to have affected their relationship to much. So I’m glad about that .As my mother in-law would say “I just want them to be happy, but wish they could be happy together.”  Tyler has a new apartment and also met a new girl. She looks really nice and I just heard that they now live together. It’s a shock to realize that things can change so fast!

  We just have to love them. I’m glad we all had the time together and I will treasure it always. Have to take life with a grain of salt and make the best of things. We will all get throw this and make good memories together.

                                                           Namista